What?!

You know, sometimes life conspires to interfere with blogging.  I have had this post in the works almost since my last post and I am only now getting it out.  


I want to talk about something I said in an earlier blog.  I made the comment "I don't date."  Now that might sound strange to some of you and it might also make me weird.  There is more to it than those three words would suggest.  Like most facets of my life there is nothing simple about anything I chose to do.


Some of the reasoning is simply practical.  I do not have much disposable income or time for searching for potential prospects.  My job requirements and the obligation I feel toward my children has kept me from feeling comfortable using my time and resources for personal pursuits.  That, and what kind of insane woman would date a guy with five kids and no money?  


There are a variety of opinions as to whether or not it is sinful for a divorced man to remarry, or if there is a pathway through the divorce process that allows for remarriage.  I have looked at the passages that speak to my circumstance quite carefully and while there is room for debate I do believe that it is possible for a Christian to go through a divorce and remarry without immersing themselves or their family in a sinful destructive pattern.


I could fill up pages and pages going through the various ins and outs of that whole issue.  For now let me just say that because I did not choose divorce, was willing and actively tried to reconcile the marriage, and never broke my marriage vows, I am confident that I am at liberty to remarry without being in sin.   


So what is it about dating that I find so problematic?  For one thing I teach my children that dating is kind of pointless until you are at an age and time in life when you can have a relationship who's main goal is  marriage.  If you can't support a wife and feed a family, and you aren't ready to marry, dating is a good way to ravage your emotions and damage your heart.  It also makes for potentially destructive life situations.


Dating when you are not able to marry is kind of like window shopping without any money.  You invest your emotions in something that you do not have the ability to purchase.  Worse you get the person on the other side to make the same investment.  The end result is two hearts that have been damaged and hardened by the experience.  


So what then, never date?  I think dating within the marriage is a wonderful thing.  Prior to that, I think that group events, and spending time getting to know one another through social events is a much better plan.  Even employing tools like Face book or other media to develop the initial interest is a much better way to go.  


It gives a couple the opportunity to lay the ground work so that everyone is going into the relationship with the same goal in mind.  Both parties establish that they are ready to consider marriage, and both agree that they are willing to spend some time evaluating each other.  Then you take the time to ask questions and really get to know one another.  Find out if your lives are a good match and that you have similar interests.  


Basically I am describing courting.  I think that, especially in today's world where there are so many divorces, we have to look at the way we go about choosing a mate, and place a high value on the marriage relationship.  Society is failing us in this regard and we are becoming bankrupt as a nation due to the ease and acceptance of divorce.


I have even greater need to use caution.  I have Five young lives who will be dramatically effected by any relationship I have with anyone.  The woman who becomes my wife will have to be willing to take on a lot and the children's lives will be dramatically altered.  It would be horribly reckless of me to treat my relationships as casually as going out on a date.


I have a feeling there will be more on that later...


As a teaser, on my next blog I will explore the life altering riddle concerning the person who put a nickel in a .50 cent Juke box, and expected to get a coke.