I ended my last blog with this sentence:
"As a teaser, on my next blog I will explore the life altering riddle concerning the person who put a nickel in a .50 cent Juke box, and expected to get a coke."
This is that blog...
Life altering may be a slight exaggeration, unless you're the guy with the nickel. The truth is I think this may describe more of us than we would like to admit. It is one of the prime sources of anger and frustration in the lives of most people. I often find when I am angry with some one it is because they haven't met my expectations in some way.
There is a legitimate anger that may arise when this happens, and some things require a response. When sin is present there is a righteous anger, tempered with humility that should be present. The response is carefully outlined in Scripture and has as its goal the restoration of the offender. Unfortunately in our daily existence, too often righteousness and humility are not present, nor are they even thought of.
Generally speaking we get angry and do not consider our own sin. Sin that may have even caused the other party to sin. Sin that may blind us to our need for humility. Self-righteous sin that has us condemning the other without first considering the Log that is in our own eye, as it were, or seeking to understand the offence.
That, by the way is the "Judge" part of "Judge not lest ye be judged". We must judge in the sense of discerning truth from error, sin from righteousness, Godly from ungodly. We can see wrong behavior in others and we can call it what it is. Sin. But we do not need to condemn them for it. God has already condemned the behavior and He will either judge them according to their sin, or on the basis of salvation, He will forgive their sin according to His grace.
We should rather be clear and in all humility condemn the behavior, and pray for repentance of the offender. We should also pray for ourselves that we would not fall into the same sin.
I used the riddle "put a nickel in a .50 cent Juke box, and expected to get a coke" comment when talking with a friend to help illustrate the problem. An event that they were struggling with, had left them angry and resentful. I wanted a gentle way of talking about how easy it is for us to get angry as if another person was sinning against us. We should remember that all sin is an offence to God and while the sin effects us we need to be careful that we are angry for righteous reasons and not because we had wrong expectations.
We will put a nickel's worth of effort into finding out the what, where, when, and why of someones behavior. We establish expectations based on what we think they should do, and then we are angry and frustrated when we do not have our expectations met. We don't even get to hear any music because we didn't go the whole nine yards and put in .50 cents.
With respect to married folk, this is what it means in 1 Peter 3:7 when Peter says, "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." We are to invest the time to develop expectations in keeping with the woman we are married to, and she likewise needs to develop expectations in keeping with the man she is married to.
How often does a woman expect to receive flowers and poetry from a man who expresses his love by keeping a well tended garden, and caring for her car. Likewise the woman who expresses her love with cute notes in his lunch box and dinner on the table, when he expects moon eyes and a spotless house. Both are expecting good things but both are disappointed because they are not living together with understanding. Both should be willing to grant to the other those reasonable expectations, even though they are difficult and not their preferred way so that there is peace and joy in the home.
In the process of granting your partner the coke for a nickel when you are actually a .50 cent juke box, you demonstrate genuine sacrificial love and your marriage will have long lasting strength. There will also be less anger and stress.
You know, sometimes life conspires to interfere with blogging. I have had this post in the works almost since my last post and I am only now getting it out.
I want to talk about something I said in an earlier blog. I made the comment "I don't date." Now that might sound strange to some of you and it might also make me weird. There is more to it than those three words would suggest. Like most facets of my life there is nothing simple about anything I chose to do.
Some of the reasoning is simply practical. I do not have much disposable income or time for searching for potential prospects. My job requirements and the obligation I feel toward my children has kept me from feeling comfortable using my time and resources for personal pursuits. That, and what kind of insane woman would date a guy with five kids and no money?
There are a variety of opinions as to whether or not it is sinful for a divorced man to remarry, or if there is a pathway through the divorce process that allows for remarriage. I have looked at the passages that speak to my circumstance quite carefully and while there is room for debate I do believe that it is possible for a Christian to go through a divorce and remarry without immersing themselves or their family in a sinful destructive pattern.
I could fill up pages and pages going through the various ins and outs of that whole issue. For now let me just say that because I did not choose divorce, was willing and actively tried to reconcile the marriage, and never broke my marriage vows, I am confident that I am at liberty to remarry without being in sin.
So what is it about dating that I find so problematic? For one thing I teach my children that dating is kind of pointless until you are at an age and time in life when you can have a relationship who's main goal is marriage. If you can't support a wife and feed a family, and you aren't ready to marry, dating is a good way to ravage your emotions and damage your heart. It also makes for potentially destructive life situations.
Dating when you are not able to marry is kind of like window shopping without any money. You invest your emotions in something that you do not have the ability to purchase. Worse you get the person on the other side to make the same investment. The end result is two hearts that have been damaged and hardened by the experience.
So what then, never date? I think dating within the marriage is a wonderful thing. Prior to that, I think that group events, and spending time getting to know one another through social events is a much better plan. Even employing tools like Face book or other media to develop the initial interest is a much better way to go.
It gives a couple the opportunity to lay the ground work so that everyone is going into the relationship with the same goal in mind. Both parties establish that they are ready to consider marriage, and both agree that they are willing to spend some time evaluating each other. Then you take the time to ask questions and really get to know one another. Find out if your lives are a good match and that you have similar interests.
Basically I am describing courting. I think that, especially in today's world where there are so many divorces, we have to look at the way we go about choosing a mate, and place a high value on the marriage relationship. Society is failing us in this regard and we are becoming bankrupt as a nation due to the ease and acceptance of divorce.
I have even greater need to use caution. I have Five young lives who will be dramatically effected by any relationship I have with anyone. The woman who becomes my wife will have to be willing to take on a lot and the children's lives will be dramatically altered. It would be horribly reckless of me to treat my relationships as casually as going out on a date.
I have a feeling there will be more on that later...
As a teaser, on my next blog I will explore the life altering riddle concerning the person who put a nickel in a .50 cent Juke box, and expected to get a coke.
I apologize for the many days since my last blog. I have started several times to get back to it and there have just been too many things going on and I have been too tired to do it. I actually feel kind of bad about it since I left everyone with a bit of a cliff hanger. I do that on purpose to keep you all interested and it appeals to my dark sinister side. That being said, it only works if you don't keep your audience waiting too long, they get bored and give up or lose interest.
Fortunately I have a tale here that sparks a lot of interest and should draw a crowd. I mean really, who else has a father that instead of being called Grandpa, or paw paw, or papaw, or even Opa, goes by the moniker Bull Frog, or Frog? It just isn't your every day nickname, and the weird thing is all the kids and their friends love it, and call him Frog. There is something special about that and it has become a subtle privilege that the kids all enjoy. With a wisp of pride, they will introduce him as Frog and eagerly await the response. He eats up the attention too.
Now as for the story itself, there are several variations, none of which fully account for the label. The Frog himself claims that he received the nickname as a child when he either fell down a well, or was sent down a well and was stuck for a period of time. An uncle who observed his predicament said he "looked like a bullfrog down in that well!" and the name stuck. I don't buy it, it doesn't have a transition to today. I mean why did I never hear that nick name all the years I spent growing up in his house? Then it magically shows up again when my kids came along? I don't think so. Not that I doubt my dad's story, I just don't think it accounts for the superglue adhesion of the name today.
My story is more interesting, and brings the issue into the modern era. When my oldest daughter was expanding my ex-wife's midsection, the ex got a cold that left her voice weak and raspy. She sounded like a frog. I began to tease her with the nickname froggy, and accuse her of getting ready to have a polliwog. All in good fun of course. A few days later, my dad ended up with a similar sore throat, and I said "great, the wife is all froggy, were having a polliwog and my dad has turned into a bullfrog." As the kids got older I liked to tell the story about that and eventually they started calling him by the name.
OK, that's kinda weak too.
Another version involves my dad brainwashing the kids when they were young by saying "Frog" over and over again until they started saying it. His motivation was to avoid getting some boring nickname that would make him feel old...this is one of my mom's theories. In order to fully understand the irony of my last statement see my previous blog "Back to Nana and Frog."
Another version that my dad tried to put forth involved some story he wrote about looking like Clark Gable
but the details of that story were written down in a letter to my daughter on the occasion of her 18th birthday, and I will leave that to others to relate. If I can get a copy of that story and permission from the Frog, I will tell it too.
Unfortunately there will forever be some mystery about the source of the nickname. I suppose its better that way. Perhaps one day the whole truth will come out, but in the mean time we will have to enjoy the name and the man who owns it!
