"As a teaser, on my next blog I will explore the life altering riddle concerning the person who put a nickel in a .50 cent Juke box, and expected to get a coke."This is that blog...
Life altering may be a slight exaggeration, unless you're the guy with the nickel. The truth is I think this may describe more of us than we would like to admit. It is one of the prime sources of anger and frustration in the lives of most people. I often find when I am angry with some one it is because they haven't met my expectations in some way.
There is a legitimate anger that may arise when this happens, and some things require a response. When sin is present there is a righteous anger, tempered with humility that should be present. The response is carefully outlined in Scripture and has as its goal the restoration of the offender. Unfortunately in our daily existence, too often righteousness and humility are not present, nor are they even thought of.
Generally speaking we get angry and do not consider our own sin. Sin that may have even caused the other party to sin. Sin that may blind us to our need for humility. Self-righteous sin that has us condemning the other without first considering the Log that is in our own eye, as it were, or seeking to understand the offence.
That, by the way is the "Judge" part of "Judge not lest ye be judged". We must judge in the sense of discerning truth from error, sin from righteousness, Godly from ungodly. We can see wrong behavior in others and we can call it what it is. Sin. But we do not need to condemn them for it. God has already condemned the behavior and He will either judge them according to their sin, or on the basis of salvation, He will forgive their sin according to His grace.
We should rather be clear and in all humility condemn the behavior, and pray for repentance of the offender. We should also pray for ourselves that we would not fall into the same sin.
I used the riddle "put a nickel in a .50 cent Juke box, and expected to get a coke" comment when talking with a friend to help illustrate the problem. An event that they were struggling with, had left them angry and resentful. I wanted a gentle way of talking about how easy it is for us to get angry as if another person was sinning against us. We should remember that all sin is an offence to God and while the sin effects us we need to be careful that we are angry for righteous reasons and not because we had wrong expectations.
We will put a nickel's worth of effort into finding out the what, where, when, and why of someones behavior. We establish expectations based on what we think they should do, and then we are angry and frustrated when we do not have our expectations met. We don't even get to hear any music because we didn't go the whole nine yards and put in .50 cents.
With respect to married folk, this is what it means in 1 Peter 3:7 when Peter says, "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." We are to invest the time to develop expectations in keeping with the woman we are married to, and she likewise needs to develop expectations in keeping with the man she is married to.
How often does a woman expect to receive flowers and poetry from a man who expresses his love by keeping a well tended garden, and caring for her car. Likewise the woman who expresses her love with cute notes in his lunch box and dinner on the table, when he expects moon eyes and a spotless house. Both are expecting good things but both are disappointed because they are not living together with understanding. Both should be willing to grant to the other those reasonable expectations, even though they are difficult and not their preferred way so that there is peace and joy in the home.
In the process of granting your partner the coke for a nickel when you are actually a .50 cent juke box, you demonstrate genuine sacrificial love and your marriage will have long lasting strength. There will also be less anger and stress.
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