Hope

I left you hanging with my last blog wondering how we fixed the situation with a problem child.  With the remainder of this three part blog, I will attempt to close out that story and tie in the whole theme of hope.

By way of a quick review, I had discovered that, while I was someone who wanted to follow God's Word on forgiveness and show Mercy and Grace, when it came to actually living out these things I wasn't really living up to what I said I believed.  It took a troublesome little boy to reveal this to me and I was just getting ready to share my solution to the problem of "Billy", (not his real name).  


The problem was broader than only myself and it became clear that as Children's Church director, I was going to have to figure out a way for all of the boy's teachers to interact with him and open a path to loving him in Christ.  I spoke to the pastor and brainstormed the situation.  There was something seriously wrong with what was happening here.  It wasn't just that we were having trouble with some child it was that we were not demonstrating the Love of Christ to him in the process of dealing with him.  Something had to change.  


I started wondering if I could deal with the circumstances that he was in.  He had to be feeling hopeless.  In fact I realized that if God held me to the same standard that we were holding this child to, none of us would be able to stand.

If God's compassions were not new every morning, we would be destroyed for each day's sin, even before we could get out of bed in the morning.  Here the prior weeks behavior was held against this child and he was not getting new compassions from us.  To this child we were acting like the wicked slave who, having been shown great mercy by his master and having had his debt forgiven, turns and casts his fellow slave into prison for a minor debt.  This is not to say that we cannot or should not discipline, or correct a child, but that we must seek to find ways to show grace and mercy and be willing to hold out hope for those who have sinned.

The next week I had children's church, and Billy was going to be there.  Just thinking differently would not be enough, I would have to set the stage differently.  I determined to meet with him in the hallway as we walked from the sanctuary back to the room.  


Once I caught up with him I said "Billy, I am really looking forward to having you in class today!  I have a really good lesson planned and I want you to be a part of it.  I think you will really like it, and we are going to do some coloring today too."  That was all I said, but I meant it and it set the tone for class.  


True to form, Billy began to disrupt the class.  He crawled under the table disturbing the other kids and interrupting my lesson before I could even get it started good.  I ignored his behavior as long as I could and finally I said, "Hey Billy, its time to have our lesson, will you take a seat at the table so we can begin."  He looked at me but didn't stop his behavior so I started the lesson.

As I began to speak, he looked up and started to listen.  He moved over and took his seat finally and I was able to finish my lesson with little interruption.  It was a long way from perfect but it was a huge step in the right direction.  Finally someone wanted him in their class, and finally he had motivation to obey.

Hope is something that many people have and it is often a false hope.  Many of Billy's teachers offered him a false hope that they would be pleased with him if he acted right or didn't misbehave.  For Billy this was no hope at all.  He knew he would never be able to live up to the expectations of his teachers so he had decided not to try.  When I let him know that I wanted him in my class room and I was looking forward to spending time with him, I offered him real hope.


This hope wasn't rooted in performance, it was rooted in the grace of God.  As I began to recognize my sin and deal with it, I found that I didn't really hate this boy.  I found a love for him that I didn't even know existed.  God changed my heart towards him and in that new care for him, he experienced the hope that comes only from God.  Billy for the first time saw that God's compassions do not fail and they are new every morning.  


I had many more opportunities to catch him before class and tell him that I was looking forward to having him participate in the learning.  I never again had the level of trouble I had from him before.  Most days he was attentive and participated in the class.  I shared my success with the other teachers and encouraged them to do similar things with him.  Those who put forth a real effort to work with him all saw improved results and began to appreciate him more.


The bottom line is this...I think Billy had a greater impact on me than I ever had on him! But more on that later...

Hope is in the Lord and we are to be like Him.

On my last blog I talked about the need we all have for hope.  I spoke about an experience I had that helped shape some of my thoughts about how to share the love of Christ by ministering Grace to others.  The passage below helped me shape my thoughts during this experience and I want to share this experience with you.

^{Lamentations 3:19} Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.  ²⁰ Surely my soul remembers And is bowed down within me. 2¹ This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. ²² The LORD'S loving kindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. ²³ They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. ²⁴ "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." ²⁵ The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. ²⁶ It is good that he waits silently For the salvation of the LORD.

I am really struggling with how to relate this story and not lose the significance of the principle.  There is a whole heart attitude in this that effects the way we even think about the people around us.  As I suggest in the title, we must become more like Christ if we are to call ourselves Christian at all.  In the very heart attitudes we carry around (even the ones no one ever sees overtly displayed) we must genuinely adopt the Love of Christ and seek to live it out towards others on more than just a surface level.


The problem I had with the child who is at the center of this story, is that I didn't like him.  I could pretend to like him, even love him, but it wasn't in my heart to do it.  I began to realize that this child was exposing something seriously flawed in me.  I could not extend grace to someone I didn't like.  As adults we tend to accept this kind of attitude in ourselves toward those who have offended or angered us.  We don't really see it as a problem, even though Jesus did.


Jesus explains the problem of this lack of forgiveness in the story of the king who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves in Matthew 18:23-35.  We find a slave forgiven a great debt who does not honor the king who forgave him by showing the same forgiveness to others.  This is a big deal and it is this same characteristic of God that Lamentations describes and Jesus calls us to emulate.  If it wasn't for God's willingness to show me new mercy every day, how could I stand before Him?  But do I honor God by showing new mercy every day to others?


As regards to the child in question, in my defense, showing grace like that is very difficult to do, humanly speaking.  This child was only a 4 year old but he was a problem.  He was difficult for every teacher he had.  This young man was not only hard to deal with he was disruptive to the class and impossible to ignore.  He would not listen to your instructions, and he created circumstances that routinely forced the other teachers and myself to seek the parents and ask them to take him out.

The worst part was that I found myself not just wanting to avoid the child but actually dreading having him in class.  I even started to dislike him on a personal level.  That was the wake up call that caused me to pull up short.  I was supposed to be a Christian and an educator and this kid was a challenge but not my enemy.  I began to seriously pray for an answer and seek the Lord's help with this situation.

I began to observe more and try to discover what made this child tick.  He was in his own right a difficult child.  There may have been some slight mental handicap or other problem that contributed to his way of doing things, but he was still just a kid, and he needed to know the Lord and be loved.  Then it clicked and I finally began to see the connection.  None of us were living out Lamentations by showing him new compassion, or Matthew by showing him true grace.  All the teachers were anticipating trouble from him and holding last week's offences against him.  

Sure enough I began to observe that teachers were saying things like, "Now, Billy, I don't want any trouble out of you today."  and "Billy, I don't want to have to go get your mom today, so make sure you behave."  Then they would proceed to wait for him to mess up and send him out.  He didn't really have to work hard at it to get in trouble either.  They were expecting his behavior to be bad and he never failed to deliver.


But more on that later...

Hope is in the Lord.

Wow, I have been gone for a long time.  I hope everyone will forgive me for my negligence.  It is one of the many struggles that I have when it comes to managing time and resources.  We did not have Internet for a long time and it was virtually impossible for me to manage a blog without it.  


It finally became evident that I would have to invest some of our resources in finding an Internet Service Provider as school began.  Since the girls are both in college now and need access to it daily and the younger kids need it for their school lessons and research, it seems like a reasonable expense.  


So here we go again, the school year in full swing for all five kids, and me trying to make ends meet between work, kids, everyday needs and keeping a roof over our heads.  Sometimes I am very hard pressed and I feel like there is too much on my plate.  It is easy to begin to feel hopeless.  I wonder if I will ever feel like I have a cushion or if I will always be on the edge of overwhelmed.


Where is hope to be found?  How do we live in such away that our children feel that there is hope?  Lamentations is a powerful book filled with hope and chapter 3 is a magnificent resource for understanding many things about life, our circumstances, and the Lord's role in things.  It is well worth the time you might take to give it a read.  I warn you though it takes a while to get to the hope in Chapter 3.  The first 18 verses describe utter hopelessness.  The worst part is that the hopelessness comes from the Lord as a result of His righteous wrath against sin.


Verse 18 ends on the happy note:

So I say, "My strength has perished,

         And so has my hope from the LORD."

You might ask what is the point of this happy blog?  Well, I have had some experience with teaching and parenting and I have found that even the smallest of children need hope.  Hope that they can please their parent.  Hope that they can please their teacher.  Hope that when we fail, somehow we can be restored.  All of us need hope that we can get back in the good graces of those in authority over us.  When we as adults show grace to those over whom we exercise authority, we are demonstrating the Love of God in a most tangible way.


After the first 18 verses, the writer gets to the good part.  He remembers the grace of God and God's mercy...

^{Lamentations 3:19} Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.  ²⁰ Surely my soul remembers And is bowed down within me. 2¹ This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. ²² The LORD'S loving kindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. ²³ They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. ²⁴ "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." ²⁵ The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. ²⁶ It is good that he waits silently For the salvation of the LORD. 

I often struggle to live with hope, but these verses help remind me of the source of my strength and hope.  It helps me remember that my circumstances are not where I find hope, but my hope is in the Lord and He will never fail to keep His promises.  


I am going to keep this blog short, and next time I want to share an experience that I had as a Children's Church Teacher.  This experience had a profound impact on me and the way I do things.  It shapes my thoughts and approach toward the people in my life.  But, more on that later...

Anyone have .50 cent?

I ended my last blog with this sentence: 

"As a teaser, on my next blog I will explore the life altering riddle concerning the person who put a nickel in a .50 cent Juke box, and expected to get a coke."  

This is that blog...


Life altering may be a slight exaggeration, unless you're the guy with the nickel.  The truth is I think this may describe more of us than we would like to admit.  It is one of the prime sources of anger and frustration in the lives of most people.  I often find when I am angry with some one it is because they haven't met my expectations in some way.  


There is a legitimate anger that may arise when this happens, and some things require a response.  When sin is present there is a righteous anger, tempered with humility that should be present.  The response is carefully outlined in Scripture and has as its goal the restoration of the offender.  Unfortunately in our daily existence, too often righteousness and humility are not present, nor are they even thought of.


Generally speaking we get angry and do not consider our own sin.  Sin that may have even caused the other party to sin.  Sin that may blind us to our need for humility.  Self-righteous sin that has us condemning the other without first considering the Log that is in our own eye, as it were, or seeking to understand the offence.  


That, by the way is the "Judge" part of "Judge not lest ye be judged".  We must judge in the sense of discerning truth from error, sin from righteousness, Godly from ungodly.  We can see wrong behavior in others and we can call it what it is.  Sin.  But we do not need to condemn them for it.  God has already condemned the behavior and He will either judge them according to their sin, or on the basis of salvation, He will forgive their sin according to His grace.  


We should rather be clear and in all humility condemn the behavior, and pray for repentance of the offender.  We should also pray for ourselves that we would not fall into the same sin.


I used the riddle "put a nickel in a .50 cent Juke box, and expected to get a coke" comment when talking with a friend to help illustrate the problem.  An event that they were struggling with, had left them angry and resentful.  I wanted a gentle way of talking about how easy it is for us to get angry as if another person was sinning against us.  We should remember that all sin is an offence to God and while the sin effects us we need to be careful that we are angry for righteous reasons and not because we had wrong expectations.  


We will put a nickel's worth of effort into finding out the what, where, when, and why of someones behavior.  We establish expectations based on what we think they should do, and then we are angry and frustrated when we do not have our expectations met.  We don't even get to hear any music because we didn't go the whole nine yards and put in .50 cents.


With respect to married folk, this is what it means in 1 Peter 3:7 when Peter says, "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."  We are to invest the time to develop expectations in keeping with the woman we are married to, and she likewise needs to develop expectations in keeping with the man she is married to.  


How often does a woman expect to receive flowers and poetry from a man who expresses his love by keeping a well tended garden, and caring for her car.  Likewise the woman who expresses her love with cute notes in his lunch box and dinner on the table, when he expects moon eyes and a spotless house.  Both are expecting good things but both are disappointed because they are not living together with understanding.  Both should be willing to grant to the other those reasonable expectations, even though they are difficult and not their preferred way so that there is peace and joy in the home.


In the process of granting your partner the coke for a nickel when you are actually a .50 cent juke box, you demonstrate genuine sacrificial love and your marriage will have long lasting strength.  There will also be less anger and stress.

What?!

You know, sometimes life conspires to interfere with blogging.  I have had this post in the works almost since my last post and I am only now getting it out.  


I want to talk about something I said in an earlier blog.  I made the comment "I don't date."  Now that might sound strange to some of you and it might also make me weird.  There is more to it than those three words would suggest.  Like most facets of my life there is nothing simple about anything I chose to do.


Some of the reasoning is simply practical.  I do not have much disposable income or time for searching for potential prospects.  My job requirements and the obligation I feel toward my children has kept me from feeling comfortable using my time and resources for personal pursuits.  That, and what kind of insane woman would date a guy with five kids and no money?  


There are a variety of opinions as to whether or not it is sinful for a divorced man to remarry, or if there is a pathway through the divorce process that allows for remarriage.  I have looked at the passages that speak to my circumstance quite carefully and while there is room for debate I do believe that it is possible for a Christian to go through a divorce and remarry without immersing themselves or their family in a sinful destructive pattern.


I could fill up pages and pages going through the various ins and outs of that whole issue.  For now let me just say that because I did not choose divorce, was willing and actively tried to reconcile the marriage, and never broke my marriage vows, I am confident that I am at liberty to remarry without being in sin.   


So what is it about dating that I find so problematic?  For one thing I teach my children that dating is kind of pointless until you are at an age and time in life when you can have a relationship who's main goal is  marriage.  If you can't support a wife and feed a family, and you aren't ready to marry, dating is a good way to ravage your emotions and damage your heart.  It also makes for potentially destructive life situations.


Dating when you are not able to marry is kind of like window shopping without any money.  You invest your emotions in something that you do not have the ability to purchase.  Worse you get the person on the other side to make the same investment.  The end result is two hearts that have been damaged and hardened by the experience.  


So what then, never date?  I think dating within the marriage is a wonderful thing.  Prior to that, I think that group events, and spending time getting to know one another through social events is a much better plan.  Even employing tools like Face book or other media to develop the initial interest is a much better way to go.  


It gives a couple the opportunity to lay the ground work so that everyone is going into the relationship with the same goal in mind.  Both parties establish that they are ready to consider marriage, and both agree that they are willing to spend some time evaluating each other.  Then you take the time to ask questions and really get to know one another.  Find out if your lives are a good match and that you have similar interests.  


Basically I am describing courting.  I think that, especially in today's world where there are so many divorces, we have to look at the way we go about choosing a mate, and place a high value on the marriage relationship.  Society is failing us in this regard and we are becoming bankrupt as a nation due to the ease and acceptance of divorce.


I have even greater need to use caution.  I have Five young lives who will be dramatically effected by any relationship I have with anyone.  The woman who becomes my wife will have to be willing to take on a lot and the children's lives will be dramatically altered.  It would be horribly reckless of me to treat my relationships as casually as going out on a date.


I have a feeling there will be more on that later...


As a teaser, on my next blog I will explore the life altering riddle concerning the person who put a nickel in a .50 cent Juke box, and expected to get a coke.

About the Frog

I apologize for the many days since my last blog.  I have started several times to get back to it and there have just been too many things going on and I have been too tired to do it.  I actually feel kind of bad about it since I left everyone with a bit of a cliff hanger.  I do that on purpose to keep you all interested and it appeals to my dark sinister side.  That being said, it only works if you don't keep your audience waiting too long, they get bored and give up or lose interest.


Fortunately I have a tale here that sparks a lot of interest and should draw a crowd.  I mean really, who else has a father that instead of being called Grandpa, or paw paw, or papaw, or even Opa, goes by the moniker Bull Frog, or Frog?  It just isn't your every day nickname, and the weird thing is all the kids and their friends love it, and call him Frog.  There is something special about that and it has become a subtle privilege that the kids all enjoy.  With a wisp of pride, they will introduce him as Frog and eagerly await the response.  He eats up the attention too.  


Now as for the story itself, there are several variations, none of which fully account for the label.  The Frog himself claims that he received the nickname as a child when he either fell down a well, or was sent down a well and was stuck for a period of time.  An uncle who observed his predicament said he "looked like a bullfrog down in that well!"  and the name stuck.  I don't buy it, it doesn't have a transition to today.  I mean why did I never hear that nick name all the years I spent growing up in his house?  Then it magically shows up again when my kids came along?  I don't think so.  Not that I doubt my dad's story, I just don't think it accounts for the superglue adhesion of the name today.


My story is more interesting, and brings the issue into the modern era.  When my oldest daughter was expanding my ex-wife's midsection, the ex got a cold that left her voice weak and raspy.  She sounded like a frog.  I began to tease her with the nickname froggy, and accuse her of getting ready to have a polliwog.  All in good fun of course.  A few days later, my dad ended up with a similar sore throat, and I said "great, the wife is all froggy, were having a polliwog and my dad has turned into a bullfrog."  As the kids got older I liked to tell the story about that and eventually they started calling him by the name.


OK, that's kinda weak too.  


Another version involves my dad brainwashing the kids when they were young by saying "Frog" over and over again until they started saying it.  His motivation was to avoid getting some boring nickname that would make him feel old...this is one of my mom's theories.  In order to fully understand the irony of my last statement see my previous blog "Back to Nana and Frog." 


Another version that my dad tried to put forth involved some story he wrote about looking like Clark Gable
but the details of that story were written down in a letter to my daughter on the occasion of her 18th birthday, and I will leave that to others to relate. If I can get a copy of that story and permission from the Frog, I will tell it too.


Unfortunately there will forever be some mystery about the source of the nickname.  I suppose its better that way.  Perhaps one day the whole truth will come out, but in the mean time we will have to enjoy the name and the man who owns it!

Back to Nana and Frog.

How on earth did we get a Nana and Frog in the family?  Who are they and where did their names come from?  Well I will tell you, but first, have you ever noticed how annoying it is when someone starts talking about one thing and then gets sidetracked?  They start going on and on about a random subject and never get back to the main point.  Well that's not going to happen here?  


Have you ever seen a squirrel going through the woods, they always look like they know what they're doing but if you watch long enough you get the idea that they are really clueless.  Wandering around until they stumble upon what they are looking for.  You think if they could just focus for a minute they might accomplish something.  Oh well, where was I?  Oh, yes getting sidetracked...no wait it was Nana and Frog.


There are many stories about the Genesis of these names in the family, and I have no intention of getting into endless disputes.  I will tell my version, and any family member that would like to dispute the facts can write their own stinkin' blog!  Ha, Ha!  OK, so that was a little over the top, sorry.  


So the whole Nana thing goes back to when my mom first became a Grandmother.  She hated the name Grand mom, Grandmother, Granny, and any other reference that made her feel old.  Unfortunately the title Granny Judy had begun to stick and she really didn't like this.  Mema was taken and there didn't seem to be anything that suited her.


Secretly, I think she was hoping for some sort of cute non-grandmotherly nick name that one of the kids might cling to, like Gaga, or Mamaw, or something unintelligible that sounded cute and defied all spelling rules.   No such luck, she just never got so labelled.


Finally frustrated, she decided to take matters into her own hands and pursue a nickname that met her criteria and that she could retrain the kids to call her.  Unfortunately this search wasn't going so hot either, and frustration was building.  


OK, I am really freaking out here, I just looked over my computer and into the kitchen.  My 15 year old son has emptied out the fridge...no surprise in and of itself...but he did it so he could clean it.  Either he is in deep trouble, or the fridge had gotten so gross that he had to clean it.  Now I am going to bask in the moment...............bask........Ahh.


More on that later...


So we are visiting the grandparents and my youngest son, who was around 5 at the time, comes into the kitchen with the desire for a banana.  There was a mild explosion where fate met frustration and poor verbal skills collided with hearing loss to give birth to Nana.


For those of you in Rio Linda (as Rush would say) I will explain...Isaac innocently asked for a banana, and it came out nana.  Nana heard it as though he called her by that name and she moved strategically to put an end forever to "Granny Judy."  Of course, my oldest kids, who had grown quite accustomed to "Granny Judy" have never quite let it go.


That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  See the comments below after my Mom reads this for the various corrections and grammatical errors that will be pointed out.


More on the Frog in my next blog...Hehe, I am such a poetical genius, and humble too.  

So what are a Nana and Frog?

More on that later...

I keep trying to come up with ways to provide a glimpse into my life.  I do not want to say things that would be harmful or derogatory to others.  This poses some difficulty when certain others do some ridiculous things and I want to write about it.

I thought about doing an anonymous blog, or coming up with an alter ego, but I am not sure if I could get anyone to read it if they didn't know the person who is writing it.  I suspect several of my readers only visit the blog out of curiosity to see if I will make an idiot of myself.  That's only compelling motivation for the reader if they know the writer.  

That's like my morbid curiosity concerning a friends blog about a certain book series.  Not that I think he will make an idiot of himself, but if it wasn't for the fact that he is a friend, I would not have any interest in reading his thoughts about these books.  Plus I secretly hope that he will say something that I can use for blackmail purposes later.

I'm just kidding of course but I would enjoy getting something good on him to pick on him about.  You get the idea, there are several challenges to writing a blog that require a certain level of tact and care.

Like this story I know about a guy who is sitting at home after work on a Friday planning on a quiet evening at home to rest and recover from a long week of activity.  His ex-wife is supposed to have the kids for the week-end and he is expecting a little break.

Fortunately, he is a man who has trained himself to manage his expectations when it comes to certain things.  He has prepared himself to be available to care for his children at any and all opportunities, and loves doing it.  So when he is suddenly blessed with the gift of all his children for the evening and the evaporation of the restful evening, he takes it all in stride and enjoys the time he has with his kids.

He is, however, slightly tweaked by the phone call 10 minutes after the dramatic shift in plans that went like this: "You were OK with me leaving the kids with you tonight, right?  I mean, you didn't have plans or anything did you?"

Enough about that friend.  Poor sap managed to get ice cream with his kids, and watch a movie with them.  They set up a fort in the living room too and what a good memory was created, all because he was dedicated to his family.  Wish I could make choices like that!

So, anyway, back to Nana and Frog...I guess I will have to tell you the story of their names next time, this blog is too long already!

Big mistake to let your mom read your blog!

More on that later...

So I am minding my own business and getting along with myself famously.  Along comes this chain of events and circumstances that just wipes me out.  It doesn't help that the chain of events never seems to have an end.  


I tend to invest a great deal of emotional energy into the interactions I have with people.  I am a bit stoic on the surface but I think about the situations and relationships I have a lot and when something is out of joint I feel it in my shoulders.  I think they call that stress.


It is also amazing how many people like to play you.  I have some wonderful friends and commenting and keeping up with them on Facebook is a pleasure and generally lifts my spirits.  Every now and then a discussion thread or series of messages gets stressful.  I genuinely care about people and I care about God's Word.  Sometimes the conflict in what people say, or believe compels me to comment and it isn't always well received.  


Occasionally there is a dispute with a friend of a friend and these are sometimes good opportunities to share the Gospel.  I love that and yet it drains me emotionally too.  Like the tennis match between myself and a satanist on an unbeliever's status.  He got upset with me because I double posted unintentionally, and the conversation went on for about two days.  


On the plus side I got to say some very Biblical things and at least speak up for the Gospel.  Worth while in the end especially if the unbeliever heard something that drew them toward the Lord.  


I think the worst are times when there arises a dispute between believers.  Being highly opinionated and not always curbing my yammering skull cave (props to Dana Carvey/ "Master of Disguise") has gotten me into a tight spot a time or two.  I enjoy speaking about the things I am passionate about but I never want to do damage to relationships and sometimes that means apologizing for stepping on toes.  


Oh, and as for it being a big mistake to let your mom read your blog, her first comment was about my poor grammar in one stinking place!  Don't bother looking for it I already corrected it.  I don't really mean it anyway, I just titled this blog that way to get her to read it again.:p  She also complemented me on it, and I know that was hard since she is concerned about sharing too much information on the net.


I love you Mom!  

OK, so I chose to have five kids!

That's right I chose to have five kids, not so much the number specifically, but the willingness to be so blessed.  Now please don't misunderstand, I do not mean to imply anything negative towards people who have made other choices, or who have been unable to have children of their own.  I know and love people who couldn't have children or because of difficult pregnancies or difficult circumstances, had to stop having children, that is perfectly OK.  People make their choices for a variety of reasons but not all of them are Biblical.


If you want to reference more of my thoughts on having so many children, please read my first Blog http://1dad5kidsinsane.blogspot.com/2010/05/first-blog-ever.html .


I think it is notable that I have been criticized a lot over the years in various ways for having so many children.  From the radio celebrity who makes a prejudicial comment on his program about irresponsible people who have too many children, to the self-professed comedian who quips "hey, don't you know what causes that?", to close Christian friends who politely take me aside to share their opinions.  The assumption is always the same...you are irresponsible to have so many children.


Let me say first that, um...duh! of course I know what causes it. As for the irresponsible part, first, I did not create these children, God did.  No decision, action, desire, or even prayer on my part caused these children to be born.  God is the cause of my existence and that of all my children and to Him be all the Glory.  If I could change anything in that regard, I wouldn't.  I am grateful for the children He has granted me and all the challenges they present.


It is also true that no effort on my part will change my financial status...I know, thats down right unAmerican...but it is true.  God grants to me all that I have, and while I am to be responsible and be a good steward of the funds He provides, I cannot force through the raise I would desire.  God must give me favor in the sight of my employer or provide other opportunities to earn money. (and I am not idle.)


It has only been in the last 60 years or so that people have lost this understanding with regards to the sovereignty of God in our economic success and our reproductive success.  Prior to that time people didn't talk about reproductive rights, or making these decisions, and looked to God for provision. People either hoped they got pregnant or hoped they didn't and they generally understood that only abstinence was certain to prevent pregnancy.  People did not try nearly as much to take responsibility over the size of their family or when the children would come, and they adjusted their lifestyle to accommodate the family that God blessed them with.  Not that people didn't have ways to influence these things to a certain extent, but it wasn't like it is today where people seem to have forgotten that God is in control of these things.


If you want children  it is simply a medical problem that can be overcome.  If people don't want children it is simply a medical problem to be addressed.


God's Word is clear about His role in all these things.  See below:


Psalm 127
    ¹Unless the LORD builds the house,
         They labor in vain who build it;
         Unless the LORD guards the city,
         The watchman keeps awake in vain.
    ²It is vain for you to rise up early,
         To retire late,
         To eat the bread of painful labors;
         For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.
    ³Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,
         The fruit of the womb is a reward.
    ⁴Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
         So are the children of one's youth.
    ⁵How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
         They will not be ashamed
         When they speak with their enemies in the gate.